When we talk about deschooling, the focus is usually on kids—giving them time and space to recover from the pressure of traditional schooling, reconnect with curiosity, and rediscover learning outside the structure of classrooms and bells.
But here’s the part that often goes unsaid:
Parents need to deschool too.
And in many ways, the parent’s process is harder. Because while your child is shedding the daily experience of school, you may still be holding on to a lifetime of beliefs about what learning should look like.
Before you can build something new, you have to unlearn what no longer fits.
What Is the School Mindset?
The school mindset is subtle but powerful. It tells us that:
- Learning must happen at certain ages and on a fixed schedule
- Success is measured in grades, tests, and finished workbooks
- Falling “behind” is something to fear
- Kids need external motivation to learn
- Progress must be tracked to be real
When you’ve spent years—or decades—inside that system, it becomes the lens through which you view learning. That’s why even the most intentional homeschooler can still find themselves trying to recreate school at home without realizing it.
Deschooling for parents means questioning those old ideas. It means asking, What do I actually believe about learning now?
Trusting the Process
Deschooling begins with trust. Not the easy kind that shows up when everything is going smoothly—but the deep, patient kind that holds steady when progress looks quiet or nonlinear.
Your child might spend weeks deep in a project you didn’t plan. They might take months to warm up to reading again. You might worry you’re not doing enough.
These are not signs that you’re off track. They’re signs that you’re stepping into something more meaningful than school standards: you’re learning to trust your child, and yourself.
Redefining Success
In school, success is easy to quantify: high grades, good behavior, completed units.
But at home, success often looks different:
- A child who feels safe asking questions
- A slower pace that allows for deeper understanding
- A moment of joy in the middle of an ordinary morning
- A growing sense of autonomy and confidence
You get to decide what success means in your homeschool. And that definition can change as your child grows, as your family evolves, and as you learn to see progress in new ways.
Giving Yourself Permission to Unlearn
This is the quiet heart of deschooling: the permission to let go.
Let go of the need to “keep up.”
Let go of the checklist that makes you feel like you’re always behind.
Let go of the guilt that creeps in when your homeschool doesn’t look like school.
You don’t need to prove your worth through productivity.
You don’t need to replicate a system that didn’t serve your child in the first place.
You’re allowed to rebuild from the ground up—with peace, intention, and trust.
The Gift of a New Lens
Deschooling doesn’t happen in a week or a month. It happens slowly, quietly, through everyday choices:
- When you let your child follow their interest instead of the textbook
- When you pause instead of pushing
- When you measure success in connection, not checkboxes
At Chalk & Ink Press, we believe deschooling is one of the most powerful tools a homeschool parent can embrace. Not because it gives you more control—but because it helps you let go of the kind of control that was never needed in the first place.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to learn alongside your child—and to trust that the slow work of unlearning is exactly where the real growth begins.
